How To: Give It The Old College Try

I had a lovely weekend showing off my house and chatting with my friends - both old and new! One of my guests even came up to me and said that she'd recently started following my blog. After I got over my oh-so-humble reaction of people telling me they think I'm hilarious, I started recommending articles that might be appropriate for things she'd been going through recently. 

Of course, our conversation led me right back to How To: Find 50 First Dates. It always does. I told her some of the pros and cons of online dating, a few of my stories, both good and bad, and then of course, as I always do, point out that really its different for everyone. To understand it, you'll just have to try it.

I realized afterwards that my knowledge base was missing one link - OKCupid. From a strictly research-based standpoint (and lets face it, I'm still single - can't hurt), I decided to give it one more College Try. 

I think I might have broken some kind of record. If I created a ratio representing the amount of time that I spent tweaking my profile to make it as accurate as possible compared to the number of hours I was actually subscribed... Let me just put it this way. I didn't even last a full 24 hours. 

Thanks for the free ego boost OKCupid users. Good thing I am completely comfortable being single. 

See you Wednesday!

How To: Read Between the Lines

Inspiration stuck this morning after having a conversation with my bestie Brad over interpreting something a guy had said to a friend of mine. Not everyone is as lucky as me to have a best guy friend to turn to (or vice versa) when you’re faced with tricky situations over figuring out the opposite sex.

I'm overgeneralizing here, but for the most part, women read into almost everything. We can't help it. It's part of the reason we're so good at adapting to situations - more than likely we've already thought of it anyway. Men, from my understanding, are much more simple. There are generally two reasons behind anything they say: 1. The truth. or 2. Something they think we want to hear in order to avoid the truth.

The biggest pitfalls happen when one party takes something at face value that isn't quite what they meant the other party to interpret and you wind up on the slippery slope of miscommunication. So frustrating!

Today’s post is slightly different than my standard format, but i'm going to give you some insight into several fabricated situations in where miscommunications are MOST LIKELY to happen. Luckily for you, Brad and I are here to give you the rundown on what everything really means.

EXAMPLE: 

Okay, everyone at some point in time has had this conversation or some version of it. It ends with both parties ready to slam their head into a wall. The open ended invite. To go or not to go - that is the question.

Guy Interpretation: Well, I was looking forward to a night with the boys. The only reason I even asked her was I thought she would say no! Its not like we're even dating. Can't we just hang out a different night and not have to ruin Guy's Night?

Girl Interpretation: He asked me to go! But he did say he was with a bunch of guys. Should I go or will I be crashing? I really like this guy though and I want to appear interested in the things that he likes even if I don't care about bar trivia.

General Rule: If they have something specific they mention (such as a guys night) that sounds like you might be intruding on, suggest an alternate plan for a different night and politely decline. This will get you much farther in the long run than becoming a tagalong. 

EXAMPLE:

Girls, if you've ever been left hanging with an awkward "Miss you!" left out there with no response, go ahead and start following Mishaps publicly. Just kidding! But really, you should go click the JOIN THIS SITE button on the top left hand side of the page.

Guy Interpretation: What just happened? We had a great night, and I thought things were going well. Is she really mad that I didnt say "Miss you, too"?? I dropped her off 5 minutes ago after just spent my entire night with her. I haven't had time to start missing her yet!

Girl Interpretation: He doesn't even CARE! Clearly by adding my "..." he knows that I was expecting something more and still didn't say anything! I'm completely disregarding the fact that I just spent the last 5 hours with him for the fact that 2 minutes later he doesn't miss me yet! HOW CAN HE NOT MISS ME, TOO??

General Rule: Consider the appropriateness of the stated "I miss you!"s before you throw it out there. Generally, if its immediately after a conversation with a guy or, even better, during a conversation, you're going to get left hanging. Don't jump to conclusions that this clearly means he's anticipating breaking up with you tomorrow and is glad to be rid of you - that would be a very girl-like thing to do so just CLOSE THE LID on the Crazy.


EXAMPLE:

The dreaded Friend Zone. This is the WORST case of miscommunication. Its like quicksand - once you're in it, there's really no coming out. Don't get caught!

Guy Interpretation: Awesome. I asked her to hang out and she wanted to do something tonight. This is even better than I thought. I wasn't sure if she was into me or not but I guess there's my answer! This could be a fun night!


Girl Interpretation: Its a bar - the more the merrier. He seems nice enough from what I know and this way i'm not forced into anything date-like. Is it 5 yet? I could really use a drink right about now. My feet are going to be killing me by 5. Why do I keep wearing these shoes anyway? Terrible decision. They do make my calves look good though. But for real. Ow.


General Rule: The second the words "Oh, we're just friends" comes out of either party's mouths - Donezo. You're sinking in that quicksand fast. If you are intending it to be a date rather than just "hanging out", be specific. Suggest a particular activity rather than just going with a vague suggestion. You'll get an immediate answer with a simple yes or no and move on from there.

So here is my only advice for this week.

1. Be specific. Say what you're thinking. I think you should click the JOIN THIS SITE button and become a loyal fan. Just saying.

How To: Have a Happy Valentine's Day

I find it extremely odd and somewhat hysterical that my dating blogs tend to be the most requested and the most viewed. Although I've been in plenty of relationships that lasted in range from 2 months to 2 years, I'm still single and clearly not a pro at this whole dating thing.

My first (and only, actually) Valentine's day that I spent in a relationship was when I was 15. I was dating my now best friend Brad (remember him? He's helped write a few posts for me!). I was currently living in Indianapolis and he was in Nashville. My parents drove me the three hours down to see him and we (yes, we. My parents, Brad's parents, Brad and myself) all went to a Nashville Predators game and Brad gave me a card that said "Why Cupid should wear a diaper" with a picture showing as if Cupid had crapped on a car windshield. Even at 15, I knew that a well-placed poop joke was just SUPER romantic. No wonder that was my one and only Valentine's day... I mean, really? How can you top that? (Brad, you still make me laugh 10 years later. Love you today and every day!)

Valentine's Day is such a strange holiday. It means different things to different people. Some people love it and are more than happy to share how much they love the people around them. Some people seem to hate the concept of it and refuse to buy into a "Hallmark Holiday." Wherever you may fall, follow these simple rules to get yourself through Valentine's Day in any phase of life.



FOR MY FAVORITE SINGLES:

The first person who says "Happy Single's Awareness Day!" I'm gonna slap the phony smile right off your face. Not literally, but you know what I mean. Is there any reason that you're more aware of your solo status today than you were yesterday? Last week? Two months ago? No. So stop whining and don't be a Debbie Downer.

1. Let's not forget the reason for this holiday. LOVE! You are surrounded by love every day of the year from your family, friends, coworkers, dogs, cats, neighbors, me, you, etc. Always remember that you are loved.
2. Do something nice for someone you care about today. This morning, I made a pitstop at Sonic and bought small drinks for four of my coworkers, which I had cut out tags that said "Drink up the Love. Happy Valentine's Day!" on the straw of their favorite beverage. My Diet Coke with a splash of Love in it was absolutely delicious.
3. Make yourself happy today. Watch your favorite movie. Eat your favorite food. Buy yourself flowers. Be happy.

FOR MY NEW DATERS:

Did you happen to find yourself in a new relationship in January? Are you just starting to see someone? This is such a tricky topic. Should you celebrate Valentine's Day? Are you being pushy by suggesting it? Date? No Date? WHO KNOWS?!

1. Girls, set your expectations LOW. More than likely, it will be just like if you were single. Valentine's Day doesn't usually mean as much to guys as it does to us ladies.
2. Guys, if you're really digging your new Lady Friend, go for a romantic gesture. Buy us flowers. Send us a card. Ask us to be your Valentine. Show us that we're becoming important to you. We eat that kind of stuff up.
3. This is the most important rule: If one person brings up possibly doing something for Valentine's Day, best to just go with the flow. Girls, don't shoot guys down. Guys, don't panic! Its just one day. It'll be over before you know it.

FOR MY STEADY RELATIONSHIP-ERS:

Pretty self explanatory.

1. Be honest about your expectations. We can't read minds. If you're expecting to walk into your apartment and find rose petals strewn about the floor, well, better say you're wanting something romantic this year.
2. Its more about effort than money spent. Write down things you love about your partner and put it in a cute box. Cook your partner's favorite meal. Do something that shows that you care today and every day.
3. If you don't particularly love Valentine's Day but your partner does, suck it up for a day. Its not worth hurt feelings and a fight on the one day of the year that you're supposed to be mushy and completely in love.

To all of my wonderful readers, I love you!!!

PS. If you know of any tall, hunky 20-Something guys who appreciate a girl with a sense of humor, an awesome dog and a quick wit, well, you know how to contact me.

Just kidding.

Kind of.

How To: Change Single to Plural

Monday rolled around this week and I sat there in my cube, dreaming of my bed instead of doing work, trying to think of things to keep me awake. What should I make for dinner? I think I’d like to repaint my entertainment center. I bet Brodie climbed up on the couch the second I closed the door this morning. What should I write about this week?

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

So many unrelated thoughts rolled through my mind and somehow I landed on recapping a conversation I had earlier this week. A good friend of mine asked me to write about being single. I’ve been coaching her lately, her Hitch, as she calls me, on how to handle dating as an adult. It’s weird, considering I’m such a pro at this, obviously. Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?

Somehow women end up with the same self confidence level we had in middle school, except without the braces, acne and other things really fighting to break our mediocre self esteem. The song Crazy Girl by Eli Young Band (luff them so much) pretty much is the dream song that every girl needs to hear from a future or current love interest, seeing as somehow we all seem to go nuts at one point or another. Sorry boys. We don’t always mean it. Sometimes we do though. I wish I could tell you how to tell the difference in these circumstances, but even I don’t know. After all, we're women. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to get pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating! And not a little bit scary. (Sliding Doors)

Relationship status ends up becoming far more than just a Facebook update, but somehow works its way into part of our Almost Adult definition of ourselves. My mom called me all upset a few weeks ago. Apparently after being asked about her daughter, she told this person that I was working full time, designing on the side, and writing this hilarious blog she loved to read each week. My mom got terribly offended and felt the need to call me and tell me that the first thing this woman asked was, “That’s great! Is she dating anyone?”

“Why does that matter?” she said when she called me to vent. “I gave her three awesome things about you that she could have commented on and that's what she chose? Does being single have to define you? That’s horrible! Do you get that all the time?”

Well, yeah, I do get that a lot. My favorite answer is, “I have a dog!” to which most people kind of laugh and then get a sad look on their face as they now feel bad for me. They are clearly underestimating the awesomeness that is Brodie. And the fact that he’s practically the size of a human, so I’m not even sure he still counts as a dog.

I’m single and currently okay with it. Would I like to be plural? Sure. The way I see it, there are four different stages of single:

1. You’re newly single. Unfortunately, you’ve found yourself at a crossroad in your life and are now trying to figure out who you are sans relationship. It sucks. We’ve all been there.
2. You’re single and enjoying it. You like meeting new people at bars and go out on lots of first dates, but maybe aren’t ready for the commitment to a long term relationship yet. After all, you’re just 20-Something.
3. You’re single and ready to mingle. (Who says that? That’s dumb. Apparently I just did though.) You are actively seeking a relationship with potential.
4. You’re single single. Hopefully you’ll run into someone in the elevator at work, have a grocery cart accident, or get your dog’s leash tied around some cute 20-somethings legs. In the meantime, you’re just plain single.

More than likely, we’ve all been all of these things at some point in time. Some people stay at certain stages longer than others, but who’s to say what’s right and how long each of these stages should last? How much effort should you put into dating? How much should you just leave to fate and pray changes in its own time? WHY IS DATING SO HARD?

Clearly I can’t give you any magic fix-all seven point plan to change your Single to Plural. (unless you go read How To: Find 50 First Dates – that’s kind of a cure if you’re a Single #2 or #3). Here’s my best advice.

1. Always, always, always be yourself. If you have to change for someone else, well, you haven’t found the right person yet.
2. Don’t take dating advice from The Bachelor. Those people are crazy. You've known the dude for 2 minutes and you're saying you could see yourself marrying him and making cute babies. Lets pump the brakes a little. I feel so stable and normal after watching that show.
3. Be brave. When you’re ready to start dating, give it a shot. Your chances are far better of finding someone if you actually put yourself out there. Say hi to the cute guy in the elevator. Offer to buy the coffee of an attractive girl behind you in line at Starbucks. Strike up a conversation with someone sitting alone at lunch. Find 50 First Dates.
4. Rejection is just going to be part of the process. Be comfortable in your own skin and rebound quickly. Obviously it was a character flaw on the other party’s half to not see the amazingness that is you.
5. Find things you’re glad you do alone. Read a book. Run a new jogging trail. Be content in your singleness.
6. If you can’t be happy alone, well, work on that. Its never a good idea to have your happiness dependent on someone else. That way, it can never be taken away from you.
7. Never give up hope. No matter how old you are, whether you’re a 20-Something or a 40-Something, if you are open to it, I truly believe you’ll find someone.

Do as Dory does – “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We SWIM!”

And yes, I'm 25 and just quoted Finding Nemo. That has absolutely no impact on my current relationship status. Don't judge.

How To: Survive the Holidays

The Holidays are here! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, whether you're ready or not. By the time you'll be reading this, I'll more than likely be on a plane on my way home, snuggled in and ready for my usual horrific turbulence while landing in Denver. I invite you to sit back, relax, and start your holiday weekend off right by laughing at my family's best ever Thanksgiving story.

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

It was 1997 and my family was living in Cooper City, Florida, a suburb of Fort Lauderdale. We had just moved to Florida that summer before and were ready to celebrate our first ever Floridian holiday season. Seeing as we hardly knew anyone in South Florida and the rest of our relatives were in the Midwest, my maternal grandparents decided they would come and visit us for Thanksgiving to keep us company.

Our house was strangely one of the only two story houses in our neighborhood. The downstairs featured extremely high ceilings (about 12 feet) and was comprised of the family room, dining room, kitchen, and then there was an "outdoor room" that was a screened in pool/patio under an overhang. I know, you're sitting here saying, "Okay, Aimee, I'm done reading, you've lost your touch. Why on earth do I care about the layout of your house?" Trust me, its important.

Thanksgiving morning looked like a pretty typical day in any American house. My mom and my Grandmother were in the kitchen making side dishes and desserts while my dad and Grand-daddy were left in charge of the meat.

My dad, ever the adventurous type, decided that he was tired of waiting 128745 hours for a turkey to cook in the oven, so he was going to try something new this year. He was going to smoke the turkey. On the grill. (Go ahead, shake your head, cover your eyes, you can see where this is going.)

My brother and I were contently sitting in the family room doing what 11 and 14 year old kids did best in 1997... playing the new Goldeneye 007 for N64. I had this addiction to using the rocket launcher at all times, making my kill count awesome. Except I died every time as well. And lost. Repeatedly. But that's beside the point. Our central location gave us the perfect view of both the kitchen and the grill out on the patio to witness what happened next.

While chatting with Grand-daddy, my mom went out to the grill to check the temperature of the turkey. When she opened the lid, it wasn't just her eyebrows that hit the roof. Flames shot up and hit the ceiling as if a special effect in our 007 game. My mom was just standing there with her bangs and eyebrows about to be singed off, staring wide-eyed at the grill and trying to figure out how to get these massive flames out. Grand-daddy, ever the calm one, walked up to my mom and said these three epic words.

"Close the lid."

Everyone gawked as my mom slowly grabbed the lid to the grill and closed it back over the turkey, thus putting out the flames. Grand-daddy came and turned down the grill, and then removed the turkey. Please imagine Eric and I sitting in the family room, controllers in hand, jaws on the floor, as we're noticing the scorch marks on the ceiling of our back porch, providing evidence, that yes, we just saw 8 foot flames coming off our dinner.

Surely our dinner was doomed, but something like a little charred skin wasn't about to stop my dad and Grand-daddy from providing for their family. They carved and carved and carved that turkey until they removed all of the burnt part and everyone got a little bit of turkey for dinner that night. Thanksgiving had been saved. Funny part is, I'm pretty positive they spent more time carving that dang turkey than it would have taken to just bake it in the oven.

Those scorch marks were still on the ceiling above the grill when we moved out of that house three years later and headed for Indiana. I hope the people who moved in after us made up some kind of good story as to how they got there.

My family still uses the phrase "Close the lid." for any kind of stressful situation. Don't know what to do? Close the lid. Kill the flames. End it.

Are you prepared to handle holiday stress? Mishaps is here to help!

1. Need to travel to see your family like me? Check out How To: Take a Trip with Frugal for some budget travel tips!
2. Tired of your relatives asking you "So what are you doing these days?" Read How To: Walk Uphill Both Ways for advice on readjusting your life plan.
3. Ready to watch football all day? Don't know the first thing about sports? Fake it with How To: Take or Fake an Interest in Sports.
4. Are you the only single one in your family? Change that with How To: Find 50 First Dates. Or at least laugh hysterically at my horrible date story to make yourself feel a little better.
5. Pants don't fit after you ate all of that non-burnt turkey? Get some dieting tips with How To: Move On from Ramen.
6. Need some new things to talk about with your parents other than the weather? Read How To: Have an Adult Relationship with your Parents.
7. If all else fails, close the lid.

My dad said he's going to smoke the turkey this year... Here's hoping he was kidding.

How To: Break Out of a Break Up

Well, I had an entire article written yesterday ready to post today, but now after a recent turn of events in my life I ended up starting from scratch and rewrote an entirely new article for today instead. I had two different topic requests for this week, break ups and eating healthy (which do NOT go hand in hand). If today's article applies to you directly, I grant you one week to wallow in your pity-party party-of-one state of mind, and then check back next week for some eating healthy tips.

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

Remember how I hate dating? (You should. More than likely you read that article... it was Mishaps Most Read post! Read it here) Its so full of ups and downs, misunderstandments, and unnecessary drama. And that was all on or before my first date with Air Quote-R. What a good pun. I think my eye just twitched.

For those of us that haven't found the loves of our lives yet, dating really is like a roller coaster. It looks so exciting from a distance, people laughing, taking risks and having the time of their lives, convincing you that yeah, that's what you want to do! And then you see the 2 hour long snail-paced line. Still, it might be worth the wait. So you wait, and you wait, and you wait. You finally get to the ride, you're so excited you can hardly stand it. You hop on, ready to go, and the park closes. You get motion sickness. The ride breaks down. The seat belt won't buckle. Who knows. But for some reason, this ride just wasn't for you.

For women, the portrait that gets painted of us post-breakup is the disheveled mess, up to our eyeballs in gross used tissues, cry-screaming, and a full-on pity party. Its super attractive. And a lot of times, not too far off the plate. You can go around in circles all you want claiming it was for the best, it wouldn't work out anyways, or whatever reasoning you'd like to put into it, but breaking up still sucks, both for the dumper and the dumpee. (What a terrible choice of word for that expression.)

No matter whether you're a high school sophomore, a 20-something, or a 40-something, ending a relationship is never fun. So how do you break out of a break up?

1. You read this post. Even though you can't see me, I'm sitting here patting you on the back, handing you a tissue, and telling you it'll be okay.
2. And then I'm going to roll my eyes at you and tell you to MOVE ON! More than likely, you were correct when you said it wouldn't have worked anyway, or you could do better. You already knew it, its just much more obvious now.
3. Give yourself time to recover. You can talk about needing a rebound all you want, but more than likely you probably need to just sit this one out and concentrate on ditching the baggage first.
4. Although I never really recommend a full-on meltdown, don't overcompensate and prevent yourself from feeling anything. You're allowed to be upset. Your life is changing and sometimes its a little jarring.
5. Ditch the sad music/movies. Do you really think listening to Adele's "Someone Like You" on repeat is going to help? If anything, this will lead directly to the up to your eyes in gross used tissues. My choice: I listen to reggae music. Its calm and I have no clue what the heck they're saying most of the time.
6. Count on your friends. More than likely they'll be like me in Step 2, but they love you. They'll listen.
7. Everything happens for a reason. It really wasn't meant to be. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Pick your expression. Its still true.

How To: Find 50 First Dates

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

Ooooooooooh, dating. How I despise you. In movies, we see people meet at work or on the train, in line at the grocery store, walking the dog, shopping, the list goes on. I think it would be great if Brodie would go all Marmaduke on me; drag me down the street, accurately locating a gorgeous 20-something, tangle us together 101 Dalmatians style, turning my story into a real life rom-com. Seeing as how that more than likely won't happen, I think perhaps I should put a little more effort into finding my own date.

Sure, I've been set up by friends and met guys at bars but nothing has seemed to pan out too well so far. My biggest problem seems to be that most of my friends all run in the same circle, so I don't have a ton of outside connections. I needed to expand my search categories to include more prospects. Besides just walking up to attractive strangers, which, let's face it, I'd never be brave enough to do, it was time to try out online dating.

From an outside perspective, I can see both immediate ups and downs to the world of online dating. There's the risk of meeting a total stranger, but that risk kind of goes for all first dates in general. A blind date is a blind date regardless if your friend swears he's suuuuuuuper nice or not. There's also the possibility that someone could misrepresent themselves in a profile. Personally, I feel like that would be a lot of wasted effort on any one's part... Ok, so sure, you convince me to go out with you, but when I get there and your stated 6'0" self is, in fact, 5'6", and your pictures were clearly taken several years ago in what must have been really good lighting, your second date shot is blown, so where is the advantage in lying right out of the gate? Both negatives were outweighed to me by the chance to meet men in the surrounding area that I might otherwise never run into.

Per my reasoning above, I'd convinced myself it was worth a shot and I signed up for Match. At first its overwhelming and kind of fun! Its like shopping, except for boys (its pretty much an online catalog for men.) You can do an advanced search and put in all sorts of information about what you want in your perfect match and then search through only the profiles who meet your exact criteria. Well, this I could handle. However, as I got to reading these Mr. Perfect profiles, they were anything but. 

Right off the bat, I have advice for my fellow online dating users.

1. Please please please use spell check. By about the fifth "typo" I'm done reading. You sound dumb.
2. If your only picture is a group shot of you and your fellow dude-bros, unless you intend on drawing in a large arrow pointing to yourself, pick another picture.
3. I'd prefer to not see a picture of you with some girl (or opposite for girls... dur). Who is this? Your ex-girlfriend? I'm not Southwest Airlines. I don't take baggage for free.
4. 

   Any email that starts with "How was your weekend?" comes off more like Joey Tribbiani's "How you doin'?" Insert a raised eyebrow, and then a large eye roll on my part.
5. Write enough in your profile so that a potential match might find something you have in common or interesting about you to discuss in an email.
6. Be honest. Have some close friends proof-read your profile for you, see if they think it accurately represents you.
7. Have confidence. You may not get replies back from everybody you had hoped, but obviously that means that they're not good enough for you and probably a little stuck up. Who wants that anyway?

I tried it for a while, went on lots of first dates, a few second dates, and ended up getting two relationships out of my time on Match. After a while though, it kind of seemed more like a local bar that you see the same people at, time in and time out. The entire experience was worth it for one legendary story.

The second first date I ever went on while using Match was with a police officer I will refer to as R. Shortly after joining Match, I received an email from R that caught me more than a little off guard. The way Match used to be set up, you selected preferences that you either liked or didn't like and it displayed them on your profile. R's email to me was written as if he was all of the things I didn't like, and accusing me of being biased against all of those things and would I never date anyone like him or even give him a shot because of those particular things? The further into the email I read, the more uncomfortable I got. Maybe I was being too harsh on people. And when would this email be over?

 At the very end, it was followed by a "Just kidding." ... the entire email was made up just to poke fun at my list of "don't likes." I laughed (albeit, uncomfortably) and decided he at least deserved a response for coming up with something definitely more original than my favorite, "How was your weekend?" After making me laugh several more times throughout our correspondence, I agreed to meet R for dinner the following week. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a sarcastic personality.

Seeing as how R's and my conversation started, I should have known that this was going to be a date to go down in history. I arrived at the steakhouse R had chosen and saw him waiting for me. After polite small talk while waiting for our table, we were seated and it all began to unravel quickly.

In order to explain this next dialogue, I'm creating a key so that you readers get an accurate visual image of how this date went. When you see a *bold* word, please insert air quotes around it. Like little Horned Frogs for my fellow TCUers, finger quotes, whatever you want to call them. Anything in italics means that I'm thinking this to myself, not actually said out loud. Here we go.

R: "So, you like to *play* golf?"

Me: I'm confused, is he implying that I don't really like to play golf?

       "I do. I play with my dad a lot of weekends."

R: "Well that's fun, what else do you *like* to do?"

Me: Still confused
       "Well, I love to go see my family in Colorado and go skiing in the winter."

R: "Are you a good *skier*?"

Me: What is up with the air quotes?

       "I guess so, yeah, my Grand-daddy taught me to ski when I was three, so I've skied my whole life."

R: "Does your whole family *ski*?"

Me: Maybe this is like a nervous tick or something

       "Yes, we all do, although my sister-in-law snowboards, not skis."

R: "That sounds fun. Do you *go* every year?"

Me: What if I just reach across the table and bat his hands out of the air next time?

        "Yes, we try to."

R: "Well I can't play golf or ski. Have you ever *tried* frisbee golf?"

Me: I need a flight attendant. Where is my nearest exit?

       "No I haven't."

Within 20 minutes, I'm pretty positive I had developed an eye twitch. Every time he raised his hands off the table I flinched a little, bracing myself for the continued excessive misuse of air quotes. After an hour, I practically sprinted to my car. It was one of the most painful (and hilarious, after the eye twitch had subsided) first dates I have ever been on.

If you're still thinking about maybe trying out online dating, I say go for it. Keep an open mind and take it at face value, an introduction to all sorts of people you wouldn't have otherwise met. Even if you don't find exactly what you're looking for, at the very least, it'll help you know what you DON'T want in a future partner. For me, that would be excessive air quoters. Can't do it. My eye just started twitching again thinking about it.