Morning Commute Reflection

Okay, forewarning, I wrote this entire post in my head while driving to work this morning, so I'll go ahead and ask you to excuse my slight awe-shocked humble brag post. Its also about to get more spiritual than I usually am. So just bear with me. Or don't, your choice.

I was listening to my husband's Pandora One account (cuz I'm cheap and just stole his login information), driving along my normal morning commute, looking at all of the cars in my rear view mirror. I'm not exactly sure what triggered it, but there I sat, looking at the highway realizing that I've been in this routine for what will be two years at the end of this month. Part of me feels like it was yesterday, most of me feels like it was surely a decade ago.

See, two years ago, I gave up. I was fed up with my life in general. I was burnt out on dating one dead-end after another, I was exhausted with the early 20s almost-adult-but-kind-of-college-kid weekends, I was physically and emotionally done with my crap-tastic job. I was just over my entire life and wasn't sure what to do next. (PS. I have come to learn since then, this is apparently a semi-common thing amongst almost adults, so hey, if this sounds familiar, you're not alone.)

I needed a change in a big way. After Christmas that year, my best friend Catherine and I decided to set out on a path-seeking journey, mostly lead by determining if our faith that we grew up with was really ours or if it was just passed down to us. We began by doing a Bible study on the Psalms. I remember laying awake at night reading David's pleas with God thinking, "Well he understands." Which is really funny to me, because his problems were a wee bit bigger than my "woe is me, what do I do with my little insignificant life?" The only giant I was facing was a big ol' case of situational depression. Life sucked. That's all there was to it. 

Each night I read a psalm and would pray, thanking God for everything He'd given me and asking for His continued blessings in my life. I'd ask Him to help me find my path in life, to lead me in His direction. And holy moly, He did.

I remember sitting at my retarded cubicle in the middle of a sea of insignificance and just deciding I'd had enough. I didn't need to wait for something, or someone, to come along for me to change. I had all of the capacity I needed to spur my own change. So I decided to start by moving out of my hip and trendy apartment and finding a house that was more laid back and much more me. I was fine living alone, I loved decorating, this was a great plan. So I bought a house. 

Then about two weeks later, I decided that I was done with my job. I went online and began searching for something that was actually in the field I have a degree in (whoa guys. Earth-shattering here) and decided no matter what the position, I was going to take a step forward into what I wanted to do, even if it meant taking a position as an assistant in a PR firm and taking up my spot as the literal bottom of the totem pole. And I did. 

I went about learning to love myself and my new life a little more each day, and the morning after my house-warming Cinco de Derby party, I decided it was time to let someone else love me, too. So I joined eHarmony. 

I wish I was kidding you, because its still surreal to me even now, but within 24 hours, this kid named Christopher messaged me, with a profile that seemed like maybe we might match up. He talked a lot about sports and didn't once mention bars - sounded about my speed, right? So I went out with him.

The morning of our first date, I was headed to a baby shower for a family friend and remember being ready to breathe into a paper bag to catch my breath, sitting there going "Well surely this is going to be the worst date ever because there's just too much good happening right now. The other shoe is going to surely drop."But it didn't.

Except that he tripped walking me to my car. And I remind him of this on definitely a weekly basis. Always there to humble my now loving husband. 

Point of this whole message? Baby steps. 

If any of this sounds like its hitting home, first off, there's nothing wrong with you. Just because we log into Facebook every day and see everyone getting married and having babies doesn't mean that YOU have to, or should be. I realize that I'm a bit of a hypocrite as I'm sitting here telling you about all of the growing I did in such a short period of time, but hang on with me for a bit.

Not until you decide to take the reigns of your life into your own hands and find YOUR path will all of the pieces fall into place. Look at your life as a whole and figure out what needs to go. Push yourself outside your comfort zone and just freakin' go for it. What do you have to lose? Maybe its time to move, maybe its time to try something new, maybe its time for a career change. Who knows, its whatever you need. But just do it. 

I can't believe its been two years. I would say I'm the luckiest girl in the world, but honestly, I'm not sure how much "luck" really had to do with it. More like determination and faith. They're a killer combo, for sure. 

Thanks to everyone who stuck with me two years ago. I know I did a whole lot of anxious-babbling in my attempt to avoid breathing into a brown paper bag every five minutes. I couldn't have done it without you all.