How To: Avoid a Beer Gut

So as I sit here and rack my brain for ideas for this week’s topic, I keep coming back to the same thought: I could really use a glass of wine. Yes, I realize that has zero to do with writing my blog, but its how I feel.

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

Here’s the biggest problem with January. We just finished up with the holidays. Now it’s back to the daily grind at work with no foreseeable vacation anytime soon. And probably like lots of you, I decided to try to start the new year on a new, healthier foot. I’m trying to be good. So how to be good and still be able to have a drink?

This was a topic that I had to research. I’ve always heard about the legendary “diet” drinks – but are they really? I wanted to find this out on my own. So I went to Google – I like their Chinese New Year design today! – and searched “low calorie alcoholic drinks”. Up popped a link for FatLossSchool.com about exactly what I’d searched for. I started reading and got a little side tracked by this:

How vigorously must you be licking envelopes to think you’re burning calories? Are you licking envelopes instead of eating? Then maybe you’re burning calories. Other than that, I’m pretty positive the answer is something about the same as your metabolic resting rate. So take a nap. Find some tape. Nix the envelope licking, and definitely don’t count on it to burn you some extra calories.

Okay, so we all know I had to click the link. Apparently you burn 0.17 calories per lick. Clearly you are done with your workout regime for the day now.

Now, back to the topic at hand. I looked around several different websites and ended up putting together the following handy-dandy chart for you.

If you’re anything like me, seeing a Long Island Iced Tea weighing in at a whopping 780 calories made your eyes go all bulge-y. Good news about that though is that there’s so much dang alcohol in each one you probably won’t have very many. Or if you do, you don’t remember having very many, hence guilty conscience about your diet goes out the window. But that's not the point.

On top of all of these stats to the right, you have to remember that mixers have calories too. Cranberry juice for us girly-drink drinkers adds an additional 137 calories. Yikes.

The biggest problem is that alcohol has absolutely zero nutritional value. You can argue all you want about the health benefits of a glass of wine and how its good for your heart, but really you're not HURTING yourself by opting out of alcohol either.

So before this gets all preachy, lets figure out how to still get drunk without showing just how much we like to pretend we're still in college around our waistline.

1. The key, of course, is moderation. A beer isn't that bad, but it turns into trouble when you have 4. All of the sudden you just shelled out 800 calories for nothing except a good buzz.
2. Think before you drink. If you're having a cocktail at home, there are tons of recipes online for diet versions of drinks - most include adding some club soda to the mix. Makes your drink a little larger without adding many calories. And it sounds so snooty to say you're having a Spritzer.
3. Nix the wine with big steak, pasta. or other high calorie meals. Your food will give you plenty to please those taste buds with without adding a few hundred extra calories.
4. If you're having wine or beer with dinner, make sure you order a water, too. You'll end up drinking less alcohol if you're not going to it after each bite.
5. Figure out what's worth the calories. Walking a mile burns between 90 and 120 calories, so about a glass of something small. You ready to walk the extra mile? If so, feel free to have that drink.
6. If you just have to have a mixer with your drink, ask for diet instead of regular Coke. Its the alcohol we're going for here, and it drops each drink about 50 calories.
7. You're an Almost Adult. Make a good decision based on your own dietary goals and ambitions. Now at least you know some facts to base those decisions off of.

I'm off to go lick some envelopes. I've got an extra 1.36 calories I need to burn off today.