How To: Change Single to Plural

Monday rolled around this week and I sat there in my cube, dreaming of my bed instead of doing work, trying to think of things to keep me awake. What should I make for dinner? I think I’d like to repaint my entertainment center. I bet Brodie climbed up on the couch the second I closed the door this morning. What should I write about this week?

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

So many unrelated thoughts rolled through my mind and somehow I landed on recapping a conversation I had earlier this week. A good friend of mine asked me to write about being single. I’ve been coaching her lately, her Hitch, as she calls me, on how to handle dating as an adult. It’s weird, considering I’m such a pro at this, obviously. Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?

Somehow women end up with the same self confidence level we had in middle school, except without the braces, acne and other things really fighting to break our mediocre self esteem. The song Crazy Girl by Eli Young Band (luff them so much) pretty much is the dream song that every girl needs to hear from a future or current love interest, seeing as somehow we all seem to go nuts at one point or another. Sorry boys. We don’t always mean it. Sometimes we do though. I wish I could tell you how to tell the difference in these circumstances, but even I don’t know. After all, we're women. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to get pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating! And not a little bit scary. (Sliding Doors)

Relationship status ends up becoming far more than just a Facebook update, but somehow works its way into part of our Almost Adult definition of ourselves. My mom called me all upset a few weeks ago. Apparently after being asked about her daughter, she told this person that I was working full time, designing on the side, and writing this hilarious blog she loved to read each week. My mom got terribly offended and felt the need to call me and tell me that the first thing this woman asked was, “That’s great! Is she dating anyone?”

“Why does that matter?” she said when she called me to vent. “I gave her three awesome things about you that she could have commented on and that's what she chose? Does being single have to define you? That’s horrible! Do you get that all the time?”

Well, yeah, I do get that a lot. My favorite answer is, “I have a dog!” to which most people kind of laugh and then get a sad look on their face as they now feel bad for me. They are clearly underestimating the awesomeness that is Brodie. And the fact that he’s practically the size of a human, so I’m not even sure he still counts as a dog.

I’m single and currently okay with it. Would I like to be plural? Sure. The way I see it, there are four different stages of single:

1. You’re newly single. Unfortunately, you’ve found yourself at a crossroad in your life and are now trying to figure out who you are sans relationship. It sucks. We’ve all been there.
2. You’re single and enjoying it. You like meeting new people at bars and go out on lots of first dates, but maybe aren’t ready for the commitment to a long term relationship yet. After all, you’re just 20-Something.
3. You’re single and ready to mingle. (Who says that? That’s dumb. Apparently I just did though.) You are actively seeking a relationship with potential.
4. You’re single single. Hopefully you’ll run into someone in the elevator at work, have a grocery cart accident, or get your dog’s leash tied around some cute 20-somethings legs. In the meantime, you’re just plain single.

More than likely, we’ve all been all of these things at some point in time. Some people stay at certain stages longer than others, but who’s to say what’s right and how long each of these stages should last? How much effort should you put into dating? How much should you just leave to fate and pray changes in its own time? WHY IS DATING SO HARD?

Clearly I can’t give you any magic fix-all seven point plan to change your Single to Plural. (unless you go read How To: Find 50 First Dates – that’s kind of a cure if you’re a Single #2 or #3). Here’s my best advice.

1. Always, always, always be yourself. If you have to change for someone else, well, you haven’t found the right person yet.
2. Don’t take dating advice from The Bachelor. Those people are crazy. You've known the dude for 2 minutes and you're saying you could see yourself marrying him and making cute babies. Lets pump the brakes a little. I feel so stable and normal after watching that show.
3. Be brave. When you’re ready to start dating, give it a shot. Your chances are far better of finding someone if you actually put yourself out there. Say hi to the cute guy in the elevator. Offer to buy the coffee of an attractive girl behind you in line at Starbucks. Strike up a conversation with someone sitting alone at lunch. Find 50 First Dates.
4. Rejection is just going to be part of the process. Be comfortable in your own skin and rebound quickly. Obviously it was a character flaw on the other party’s half to not see the amazingness that is you.
5. Find things you’re glad you do alone. Read a book. Run a new jogging trail. Be content in your singleness.
6. If you can’t be happy alone, well, work on that. Its never a good idea to have your happiness dependent on someone else. That way, it can never be taken away from you.
7. Never give up hope. No matter how old you are, whether you’re a 20-Something or a 40-Something, if you are open to it, I truly believe you’ll find someone.

Do as Dory does – “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We SWIM!”

And yes, I'm 25 and just quoted Finding Nemo. That has absolutely no impact on my current relationship status. Don't judge.