How To: Adult Spring Break

I have been extremely busy this week and was debating putting off posting, until this morning while I was sitting here eating my Gluten Free Chex cereal (its amazing) thinking about how much I don't want to go to work right now when it hit me.

I miss Spring Break. Or just any break in general. Why don't we adults ever get that? Boo adult life. Here is my short but brief advice on how to celebrate an Adult Spring Break.

1. Pout. Be jealous of your friends that chose to go to Grad School.
2. Go to work. Doesn't that just seem unfair?
3. Contemplate becoming a teacher. They have breaks still.
4. Decide thats probably not the best reason to become a teacher. Maybe you should just keep your job.
5. Use a day or two of PTO. Everybody loves Paid Time Off.
6. Do something fun for yourself even if its out of the norm of your typical week. And most definitely put an umbrella in any drink you happen to have, even if its just a Diet Coke.
7. Brace yourself. Its International Drinking Day on Saturday. You can be completely normal when you act like you're still in college.

Happy Spring Break to all of my undergrad and grad student readers. 

I secretly hate you all a little right now. 

Just kidding. 

Kind of.

How To: Decorate with Crappy Taxidermy

You don't. That's how.

After my status update this weekend about the Misadventures of House Hunting, I was asked by several of my friends to impart my House Hunting wisdom into a funny recollection of the houses I’ve seen.

You know those wooden roller coasters at amusement parks that always look so fun? Who wouldn’t want to go on one?! And then you get on, are jerked around, crack your neck way too many times to be safe and get off super glad that we live in the 21st century and we now have big, smooth steel roller coasters. That’s how I feel about house hunting.

As you might have guessed by now, the offer I had put in last week fell through. It stunk. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of being super excited about a house, freaking out over your offer, and then completely crushed when it doesn’t work out. I exited my ramp from the metaphorical wooden roller coaster, and all of the sudden it seemed like maybe not just my symbolic neck was hurting, but my love of figurative roller coasters had died down a little.

After downing a large fat-free vanilla yogurt with non-fat-free Reese’s cups on it, I decided it was time to get back on the House Hunting bandwagon. Ever the optimist, I picked out 5 new homes to see this past Saturday. Noon rolled around and I was feeling good about it. This was going to be fun. I love houses. I was going to find something better than the House One anyways. House One smoked and let’s face it, smoking is a deal breaker for me. Its cute face and Old Soul personality had caused a momentary lapse of judgment, but I knew I could do better.

As a friend of mine told me, finding a house is a lot like love. You’ll know when you’ve found the right one… Funny. Both of us are single. And he doesn’t have a house either.

Here were the Bachelor House contestants:

House Number One: The Metro in need of a Sugar Mama. No.

House Number Two: The Smoker. Nuh uh.

House Number Three: The Frump. Don’t think so.

House Number Four: The Bad Boy. Not a chance.

House Number Five: The Hippie. Complete with compost pile, “eclectic” style, a VW bus, two cats, a dog, and two beautifully taxidermied pigeons on the mantle… NOPE! No! Definitely not.

These were my options?! I’d rather be single home-less. I, of course, realize that I failed you all by not taking a picture of said Taxidermied Pigeons, so I googled Taxidermied Pigeons instead and found this gem, which is actually about 10 times funnier than the original pigeons that caused this post. And yes, it was listed under a thread with the subject "Crappy Taxidermy." He looks so in his element. I think I'll call him Leon. He looks like a Leon.

Is being a homeowner on your ... List? Follow these tips to narrow your search.

1. Location, Location, Location. Drive around neighborhoods and figure out where you see yourself living before you even start looking at real estate.
2. Creep on Potential Neighbors. Look at the cars in the driveways, the condition of the houses, the cleanliness of the homes. Will you fit in here?
3. Get Out of Jail Free. Check out local crime rates in the area by searching the address on Trulia and clicking the "crime" tab on the map. Green means Go.
4. Death and Taxes. (bad joke. sorry.) Taxes (especially in Texas) can be A LOT in addition to your mortgage costs. Check the local property tax rates and calculate that into your budget for housing.
5. Check Yourself. Find a mortgage calculator online and figure out how much you think you can afford each month. Especially for first time home buyers, always play it safe.
6. Do Your Homework. If you're looking into getting an FHA loan or any other type of loan with a small downpayment, check the requirements for those loans. Often times they are strict and you'll need to be watching for the things that would nix a house as a potential candidate in their eyes. Also, be sure to fill your realtor in on any kind of loan stipulations you're intending on getting.
7. Follow Your Heart. You'll know when its right. Try to think like an Adult. You're almost one. You'll be fiiiiiiiiiine. In the meantime, if you need a panic attack buddy, well, I'm right here.

The ending of my Bachelor House search is still To Be Continued.


UPDATE!
Mishaps of an Almost Adult's Headquarters is relocating! I am now under contract with the cutest, sweetest house in all of Dallas. Pictures and more posts to come after my closing date! YAY!

How To: Look Both Ways Before Leaping

Hello and welcome back! I apologize for my absence last week… my life just seems to be turning upside down on me all at once. However, I’m back and ready to go.

Disclaimer: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

Way back in September, I wrote my very first article, How To: Walk Uphill Both Ways and talked about re-evaluating your original “Life Plan” and expectations to match reality. My best advice: Big kid pants are uncomfortable and prone to wedgies. I still stand by this statement. There is nothing worse than when you fully realize what the adult thing to do is and it is one heck of a sucky decision you have to make. Makes me want to pout just thinking about it and I don’t even have an example in mind.

We’ve been put on budgets that make life not fun, we’ve been working jobs that don’t seem to be headed the way we want, we’ve dieted, we’ve cut back on partying, we’ve been sick, lonely, happy, sad, mad, glad, hurt, nervous, ecstatic, scared $hitless, you name it. All over the course of a few months/years! Its EXHAUSTING!

And then it happens. All of the sudden, you’ve found yourself in the groove. You’re a working adult, (well, almost) living within your means (or close enough), healthy (most of the time), and (relatively) stable.

Now what?

I’ve been following the Bachelor this season, somewhat begrudgingly, but my loyalty to http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/ keeps me tuned in. Between this year’s bachelor, contestants and constant Honda C-RV plugs for the Leap List, its got me thinking.

First off, had anyone ever even heard of a leap list? I hadn’t. Apparently, a Leap List is a list of things you want to do before your next big life-changing event (ex. Getting married, having a baby, etc.) Every time they mention it I kind of want them to Leap off a cliff. And then I remember I’m watching the Bachelor. Clearly their Leap Lists aren’t very long considering that they’re on a TV show where the end result is getting engaged…

Despite the fact that I hate it that I was inspired by the Bachelor, it got me thinking about my very own … List. (I refuse to call it a Leap List.) What do I want to do selfishly just for me? Why am I not doing that now?

This seems to be the point that I’m at currently. Should I look for a job that I’m more passionate about? I’m passionate about designing and writing this blog, so that seems enough for me right now.

Should I buy a house? I’m trying! In fact, I think I might have actually been the world’s fastest house-shopper. I just put an offer on the very first house I ever looked at… I’m sure that you’re staring at your computer right now bug-eyed, thinking, “Okay, Aimee, on multiple occasions I have wondered if you have, in fact, lost it, but now you are officially NUTS!” But as I’ve told you, I’ve had an obsession with house hunting for a while now. I’ve done my research, I’ve seen a few, I’ve looked at TONS online, and I just happened to fall in love with the very first one I set foot in. I’ve never been called indecisive.

Should I get another dog? Nope. No. Definitely not. Brodie just drooled all over me trying to steal my rice cake. And seeing as how the dogs that I choose are apparently part horse, I think I’m good with one.

Should I write a book? Maybe.

Should I just be content with what I have and bask in the 25-ness that I have right now? Probably.

1. Never forget how far you’ve come. Remember the days of the good ol’ panic attack when you were FREAKING OUT about how to do all of this? Good thing that’s over. Kind of.
2. Take the time to figure out who you are, what you want, etc. This is the time in our lives to define ourselves and our wants/needs. Never settle for anything.
3. Surround yourself with people that make you the best possible version of you… Friends, coworkers, significant others, all of them.
4. Be selfish while we can. Put things on your … List that make you a better person. Run a marathon. Visit a foreign country. Discover your own religious beliefs. Be independent. Conquer a fear. I sound so inspirational.
5. Keep your eyes on the future. Make plans and see them through!
6. Chin up! Even when life seems overwhelming, it all just keeps moving. Sooner or later you'll get relief and become an expert at that, too.
7. LEAP! But only figuratively. These people on the Bachelor take it way to literally. How many times do they have to conquer their fear of heights by jumping off bridges/cliffs/anything over 100 feet in the air? Peeing your pants while on a date, especially one thats being nationally televised, is never a good thing.