How To: Cook for One

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

I never really had anyone teach me how to cook. I was in high school and home alone one night when the sudden urge to be domestic hit me. I went to the grocery store and somehow arrived on making eggrolls from scratch. You know me, always diving head first into the deep end. My mom came home later that night, found me standing in the kitchen with a rather successful batch of eggrolls that I was pretty proud of. She just stared at me as if contemplating if she brought the wrong baby home from the hospital all those years ago. My mom's favorite part of the kitchen is the takeout menu drawer.

One of my biggest struggles with budgeting (and believe me, that's really saying something since I have a lot of struggles with budgeting to pick from) is that I spend too much on food. Its not that I eat out too much, although I do that too probably, but that I end up wasting money at the grocery store.

Even when I do go to the grocery store and decide to attempt to cook for myself, I am in a constant battle with expiration dates. Fresh produce? I don't stand a chance. Milk? Ugh.

Have you ever had milk the day after the date? Scares the heck out of you, doesn't it? The spoon is trembling as it comes out of the bowl. "It's after the day! I'm taking a big chance! I smelled it, you smelled it, what is it supposed to smell like? It smelled like milk to me." (Go ahead and watch the rest of the Seinfeld bit that this quote comes from to make your day a little better.)

Being the only one in my house, I can't possibly eat or drink all of the fresh items I purchase before they go bad. I've even stooped as low as looking up what kinds of produce dogs can eat to help me get rid of stuff... Brodie loves carrots and bananas. I know. He's weird. 

So here I am, standing in the produce section, rolling my cantaloupe down the aisle per Jerry's advice, (it's fading left, its not ripe yet) trying to come up with a way to not go broke. I'm a few seconds short of a Steve Martin, Father of the Bride-type melt down, ripping out superfluous hot dog buns from the entirely too large pack, and scrambling for ideas to avoid eating leftovers for a week after every time I cook at home. How do we solve the expiration date dilemma without returning to our never-expired college staples of Ramen, Spaghetti-Os, and Kraft Mac & Cheese?

1. Roughly plan out your meals ahead of time so that you know what you need before you go. Walking aimlessly through the grocery store is half the battle.
2. Think about items you can use for more than one meal. Going to buy ground beef? Well, lets have both tacos AND spaghetti this week then. Brown all of the meat at once and your second meal will be super quick.
3. If you know that you're going to be making something that makes too much food and aren't super excited about leftovers, invite a friend over and have them bring some of the ingredients. Split the meal and have some company at the same time.
4. Consider going to a farmer's market for produce. Not only will you get locally grown fresh produce, but they offer it in smaller quantities than the giant bag of grapes at the grocery store meant for 12 instead of 1.
5. Pack your lunches, or at the very least, snacks for work ahead of time so that you know what you're going to use before you start eating out.
6. When you do have leftovers, separate them into single servings so that they're easy to grab and go - you'll end up eating better portion sizes and are more likely to grab them if its fast and you don't have to think about it.
7. MOST IMPORTANTLY - don't go to the grocery store hungry. You'll end up buying everything that sounds good right then and there and wind up with entirely too many groceries when you get home.

Worst comes to worst, frozen pizzas and Kraft Mac & Cheese are still acceptable. And so delicious.

How To: Survive the Holidays

The Holidays are here! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, whether you're ready or not. By the time you'll be reading this, I'll more than likely be on a plane on my way home, snuggled in and ready for my usual horrific turbulence while landing in Denver. I invite you to sit back, relax, and start your holiday weekend off right by laughing at my family's best ever Thanksgiving story.

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

It was 1997 and my family was living in Cooper City, Florida, a suburb of Fort Lauderdale. We had just moved to Florida that summer before and were ready to celebrate our first ever Floridian holiday season. Seeing as we hardly knew anyone in South Florida and the rest of our relatives were in the Midwest, my maternal grandparents decided they would come and visit us for Thanksgiving to keep us company.

Our house was strangely one of the only two story houses in our neighborhood. The downstairs featured extremely high ceilings (about 12 feet) and was comprised of the family room, dining room, kitchen, and then there was an "outdoor room" that was a screened in pool/patio under an overhang. I know, you're sitting here saying, "Okay, Aimee, I'm done reading, you've lost your touch. Why on earth do I care about the layout of your house?" Trust me, its important.

Thanksgiving morning looked like a pretty typical day in any American house. My mom and my Grandmother were in the kitchen making side dishes and desserts while my dad and Grand-daddy were left in charge of the meat.

My dad, ever the adventurous type, decided that he was tired of waiting 128745 hours for a turkey to cook in the oven, so he was going to try something new this year. He was going to smoke the turkey. On the grill. (Go ahead, shake your head, cover your eyes, you can see where this is going.)

My brother and I were contently sitting in the family room doing what 11 and 14 year old kids did best in 1997... playing the new Goldeneye 007 for N64. I had this addiction to using the rocket launcher at all times, making my kill count awesome. Except I died every time as well. And lost. Repeatedly. But that's beside the point. Our central location gave us the perfect view of both the kitchen and the grill out on the patio to witness what happened next.

While chatting with Grand-daddy, my mom went out to the grill to check the temperature of the turkey. When she opened the lid, it wasn't just her eyebrows that hit the roof. Flames shot up and hit the ceiling as if a special effect in our 007 game. My mom was just standing there with her bangs and eyebrows about to be singed off, staring wide-eyed at the grill and trying to figure out how to get these massive flames out. Grand-daddy, ever the calm one, walked up to my mom and said these three epic words.

"Close the lid."

Everyone gawked as my mom slowly grabbed the lid to the grill and closed it back over the turkey, thus putting out the flames. Grand-daddy came and turned down the grill, and then removed the turkey. Please imagine Eric and I sitting in the family room, controllers in hand, jaws on the floor, as we're noticing the scorch marks on the ceiling of our back porch, providing evidence, that yes, we just saw 8 foot flames coming off our dinner.

Surely our dinner was doomed, but something like a little charred skin wasn't about to stop my dad and Grand-daddy from providing for their family. They carved and carved and carved that turkey until they removed all of the burnt part and everyone got a little bit of turkey for dinner that night. Thanksgiving had been saved. Funny part is, I'm pretty positive they spent more time carving that dang turkey than it would have taken to just bake it in the oven.

Those scorch marks were still on the ceiling above the grill when we moved out of that house three years later and headed for Indiana. I hope the people who moved in after us made up some kind of good story as to how they got there.

My family still uses the phrase "Close the lid." for any kind of stressful situation. Don't know what to do? Close the lid. Kill the flames. End it.

Are you prepared to handle holiday stress? Mishaps is here to help!

1. Need to travel to see your family like me? Check out How To: Take a Trip with Frugal for some budget travel tips!
2. Tired of your relatives asking you "So what are you doing these days?" Read How To: Walk Uphill Both Ways for advice on readjusting your life plan.
3. Ready to watch football all day? Don't know the first thing about sports? Fake it with How To: Take or Fake an Interest in Sports.
4. Are you the only single one in your family? Change that with How To: Find 50 First Dates. Or at least laugh hysterically at my horrible date story to make yourself feel a little better.
5. Pants don't fit after you ate all of that non-burnt turkey? Get some dieting tips with How To: Move On from Ramen.
6. Need some new things to talk about with your parents other than the weather? Read How To: Have an Adult Relationship with your Parents.
7. If all else fails, close the lid.

My dad said he's going to smoke the turkey this year... Here's hoping he was kidding.

How To: Move On from Ramen

One of the best parts of this time of year is the food that comes with November and December. Pumpkin Spiced lattes, hot chocolate, Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas cookies. Yum. My family has coined the phrase "Turkey Pants" for a pair of pants that are a size too large and have a bit of "give" to them. These are the pants you don on Thanksgiving day and generally throughout the Christmas season to allow for all of that extra deliciousness.

A spare tire or a muffin top is not on your Christmas wish list this year? Me either.

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

I'm saying this right now - I LOVE FOOD. I love cooking it, I love the smell of it, and I love to eat it. Its a necessity for me.  (Duh.) There are few things I love more than going to dinner with friends or family and talking over a nice glass of whatever and a good meal. Heck, I'm even okay with a paper cup filled with Diet Coke and a Chipotle burrito bowl. Whether or not food loves me back is a completely different story.

Before our Almost Adult days, our first experience with making nutritional choices all by our lonesome was with a pre-paid cafeteria meal plan and all-you-can-eat buffet. Talk about setting us up for failure. 

After graduation, sure, the free buffet is taken away, but then presents the temptation of fast food. Almost Adult life is hectic - I don't have the time or energy to cook a meal every night. Plus, it’s FAST, and more importantly, CHEAP. That's the point, isn't it?

For those of us who have less-than-ideal salaries and jobs that require you to sit in a cube for eight hours a day, the now-sedentary lifestyle change doesn’t help our physique much either. On top of that, going out to lunch every day with your coworkers allows for an escape from the daily grind for an hour.

Now that we're older, wiser, and almost adults, are we just supposed to know how to eat healthier? As Jerry Seinfeld so eloquently put it, "Food is so complicated as an adult. You see people in the supermarket just sweating it out. Nobody knows, "What do I eat? The proteins? The carbs? The fat content? We're just walking up to each other: 'You look good. What do you eat? Maybe I'll eat that.'"

Lots of magazines are chock full of ideas about fat-busting moves and calorie-dropping recipes, but it never really makes you look like the airbrushed chick in those ridiculous poses. Society loads our plates with fad diets, Cook Ourselves Thin cookbooks, and “skinny” drinks and shakes, but at the end of the day how do you decide to eat this, not that?

1. The first and easiest thing you can do to be a little healthier is drink more water. It’s dumb, but it works. Doctors recommend at least 8 glasses of water a day, which is 64 ounces. Depending on where you get your health advice from, some may say as much as half of your body weight (so if you weigh 160, that’s 80 ounces.) Cut up some lemons or limes to break up that much water a day if you need to.
2. Check your food labels. Yes, you can look at the carbs you’re eating or the fat content, but make sure you always check the sodium levels, too. Based on a 2,000 calorie diet, you should be having about 2,400 mg of sodium a day. Although sodium isn’t a deal breaker and comes in a lot of processed foods (especially fast food), it does cause bloating and water retention – ew.
3. Pack your lunch ahead of time. Not only will you save money from not eating out as often, but you’re more likely to be determined to eat better portion sizes when you plan ahead than you are when you get to wherever you’re going to eat and you’re already starving.
4. Eat breakfast. You’re less likely to eat more throughout the day if you don’t start your day hungry.
5. Don’t deprive yourself of any particular food category – just concentrate on eating more fruits, veggies and proteins than you do carbs, dairy or sweets. No one wants to end up sitting on the counter with a crazed look in your eye as you end up downing the entire sleeve of Oreo's instead of just two or three.
6. Cut back your alcohol intake during the week. If you come home from work, eat some dinner, drink a glass of wine or beer, and then sit on the couch for the rest of the night, you’re doing double damage to your body. Not only are you drinking calories, but you’re slowing your metabolism at the same time.
7. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Don’t replace your crappy dieting routine with a new super-strict one. Instead, concentrate on thinking about what you’re eating and enjoying the food you choose. After all, you’re an almost adult. Time to start eating like one.

The Facts and Fictions of Grad School

Mishaps has a bonus this week! A good friend of mine and avid reader of Mishaps emailed me this week that she'd written a guest post for the blog about something I can't give advice on. Thanks Sam! Welcome to the Mishaps family!

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

When Aimee started a blog about twenty-something-mishaps, I knew I needed to write a guest blog about the dreaded subject of “graduate school” (insert Star Wars’ death march here). Some of you may be in grad school, other’s considering it, and the rest of you shouting a resounding “hell no!” Either way, you’ve probably been told a bunch of lies about what grad school is really like – everything from “It’s just like going back to undergrad!” to “You’ll make more money if you get your master’s degree…”.

Let me sort out some of these Facts and Fictions for you.

• Twenty-something purgatory: Fiction. One of the biggest misconceptions about grad school is that you’ll  be partying it up undergrad-style with just a few extra tests/papers. Anyone who claims this probably photoshopped their master’s degree.  Remember when you got to go to happy hour? On weekend vacations? To eat at Whataburger? I don’t – because I’m too poor and too busy. But hey, at least when I’m $50,000 in debt, sobbing on top of my thesis and praying for a salary that will support more than a ramen noodle diet, I can still claim I’m smarter than you. (Replace thesis for bar exam or fancy-business-test… I’d include med school in here, but I don’t have enough adjectives to describe that sadness.) Grad school is a full-time job without a salary.

• Student ≠ Adult: Fiction. Throw away the following items: Nike shorts/athletic shorts (unless you plan to work out in them), over sized t-shirts (especially of the fraternity/sorority variety), UGG boots (unless used for their intended purpose), and all teenage angst accessories (feathers in the hair, unnatural highlights, nose rings). If any of these items make an appearance on your body, you will blend in as one of the thousands of undergrads on campus. There’s nothing more traumatizing than showing up on campus and having to explain to your colleagues/professors that you “really are 25 and will be a [insert profession here] someday.” Despite the raging youth hormones all over campus, you are an adult – you don’t have to commit to this idea 100%, but you at least have to play the part.

• You aren’t a student, you are a colleague: FACT! Okay, this part is awesome-ish. After four years of being at the bottom of the job market food chain and not being taken seriously as an undergrad, people respect you! For real – you go from being janitor Matt Damon, to super-genius “Robin Williams mentors me” Matt Damon. You are not a student, but a colleague. People expect you to know your stuff – you’re the expert now.

• Relationships won't be affected: Fiction. Friends, lovers… Relationships, ugh. As if this one isn’t already a pain when you aren’t in grad school. Something I wish someone would have told me? Maintaining relationships in grad school is hard - you have new time constraints that will dominate your life. Grad school is a vicious relationship serial killer. Expect to be challenged, go through hardships (lots of them), and question the legitimacy of your relationships.  Get ready to embrace 15 minute phone conversations for “study breaks”  and a weird schedule that will only promote contact with your unemployed friends (class three days a week, occasionally working at night, sometimes weekends, yadda yadda). The great thing? You are pretty quick to bond with people in grad school… After all, nobody else has any idea what you’re going through, no matter hard you try to describe it.

• The economy still sucks: Fact. I remember graduating from undergrad, scrambling for a job, and somehow ending up teaching kids in the ghetto how to read. I was one of the few that had a job right off the bat – some of my friends went to grad school/law school right away or had the unfortunate pleasure of waiting tables until a “real job” called them up to the big-boy leagues. When it came to grad school, my thought was simple: More school means getting a job where I won’t imagine my epic, soap opera-style resignation every day. So, I show up on my first day of grad school and what do I discover? Everyone is freaking out about finding a job. Take the advice given to me on day one: “Be prepared to hear the words under-qualified, over-qualified, and we’re currently not hiring.” I’m not saying getting your advanced degree won’t help you – I’m just saying that it isn’t a cure-all for unemployment and probably won’t result in a super-epic salary raise… At least not one that won’t be completely dedicated to your student loans.

What kind of person would I be if I didn’t end on a positive note? At the end of the day, take my advice:

1. Do what you love, love what you do.
2. You probably won’t be a millionaire or get the dream job when you graduate… You’ll have loans and you’ll still have to do grunt work to earn your keep.
3. Four Words: "Just call me Master."
4. Keep a stash of diet coke/red bull/coffee available. Do not add alcohol. If you can find a way to get your caffeine intravenously, more power to you.
5. Experiment with different types of meat in your ramen noodles. It stops things from getting monotonous and makes you feel less poor.
6. Don't let your interests (music/working out/writing) slip away. Grad school has the power to take over your identity if you let it - stay true to yourself, because in two years you'll be free.
7. It’s entirely possible that if you pick the right program, you’ll be one of those people who actually WANTS to go to work every day. It may not happen right away, but it’s a good start.

How To: Have an Adult Relationship with Your Parents

Are you ready for some hilarious Aimee baby photos? They're good ones.

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

One of the most important parts of being an Almost Adult and then eventually a Full-Blown Adult is figuring out how to allow your relationship with your parents to change. For those fortunate enough to come from a loving and supportive family like my own, figuring out how to be independent can be a real adjustment.

Let me start this by telling you how awesome my parents are. My mom is amazing. She is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met in my life. She’s always loving, is ready to help in any way she can at the drop of a hat, and is one of my best friends.

My dad is pretty great, too. His laugh is kind of like a sonic boom and is sure to make everyone else laugh, especially because he’s usually laughing at something he just said. Or maybe something I said. He thinks I’m pretty funny. I was extremely lucky to have been born into their family.

Father - Daughter relationships are an interesting breed. My dad's and my conversations usually are focused on one of three things: the weather, my dog, or my car. As much as my dad was ready to have me off his payroll, our relationship has had the most growing pains. I think in his mind I still look like the picture below and he can take care of me always.



I had to include a picture with the infamous 'stache.

I am also digging my sweet knee socks.

My favorite place to hang out when I was little was in my dad's workshop with him. He was always building or fixing something around the house. He even helped my brother and I make our very own Go Kart.

This picture makes me question his parenting skills. Our homemade Go Kart was equipped with foot brakes, meaning I put my feet out and hopefully I would stop. I'm also sporting a bathing suit - excellent road gear. Who needs a helmet when you've got knee pads?  No one likes a skinned knee. Go ahead and push me down that hill, Dad. I'll be fiiiiiiiiiine. (I actually have no recollection of getting hurt, so either I was so traumatized that I suppressed the memory or in fact, I really was fine.)

Other than activities that I joined in on with my brother and dad though, we always struggled a little at finding things in common. Apparently, when I was 5, I missed the biggest clue as to what we would later have in common.

That's right. Fishing. Nice hat dad. You look cool. So do my bangs.

 It took me 17 more years to figure out how to work on my relationship with my dad. I had graduated college and decided that our conversations about the weather were as bleak as a rainy day and needed to be spiced up a little. I didn't really expect my dad to take much of an interest in graphic design, photography or fashion, so what could I do to have more of a relationship with my dad?

We bought TCU season tickets. My dad loves football and I love TCU. It was a perfect fit. I started learning to shoot a shotgun and took up shooting sporting clays with him on the weekend. He loved teaching me and I loved blowing stuff up.

We worked on bird drills with my dog. He loved throwing dummies for Brodie, Brodie loved getting lost on the way back. (He's not the world's best retriever.) We traded in my Minnie Mouse fishing pole for a fresh water fly rod and started wading through the Eagle River near my parents house in Colorado. Somewhere about hip-deep in freezing cold water I realized I had an adult relationship with my dad outside of him washing my car and paying my bills. (Okay so I still let him wash my car. Every parent wants to still feel needed, right?)

Ready for independence and a grown-up relationship with your parents?

1. Its time to start making big decisions on your own.
2. Still feel like you need advice? Do some research on whatever you're trying to decide on beforehand and go in with an idea seeking their opinion rather than asking your parents to fix it for you.
3. If you act like a child, you'll still be treated like one.
4. The easiest way to get rid of "helecopter parents" is to volunteer the information you are willing to share about your life. As long as they feel in the loop, they'll stop hovering.
5. Figure out ways to adapt your relationship with your parents. Focus on common interests rather than being in a dependent relationship.
6. Throw them a bone. Let them take care of you now and then. They are your parents, after all.
7. Be grateful. Thank them for all of the things they've done for you throughout your life and for letting you grow up and figure things out on your own.

I know you read my blog, so thanks for following me!

Happy early Birthday, Dad. I'll always be a Daddy's Girl.

How To: Break Out of a Break Up

Well, I had an entire article written yesterday ready to post today, but now after a recent turn of events in my life I ended up starting from scratch and rewrote an entirely new article for today instead. I had two different topic requests for this week, break ups and eating healthy (which do NOT go hand in hand). If today's article applies to you directly, I grant you one week to wallow in your pity-party party-of-one state of mind, and then check back next week for some eating healthy tips.

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

Remember how I hate dating? (You should. More than likely you read that article... it was Mishaps Most Read post! Read it here) Its so full of ups and downs, misunderstandments, and unnecessary drama. And that was all on or before my first date with Air Quote-R. What a good pun. I think my eye just twitched.

For those of us that haven't found the loves of our lives yet, dating really is like a roller coaster. It looks so exciting from a distance, people laughing, taking risks and having the time of their lives, convincing you that yeah, that's what you want to do! And then you see the 2 hour long snail-paced line. Still, it might be worth the wait. So you wait, and you wait, and you wait. You finally get to the ride, you're so excited you can hardly stand it. You hop on, ready to go, and the park closes. You get motion sickness. The ride breaks down. The seat belt won't buckle. Who knows. But for some reason, this ride just wasn't for you.

For women, the portrait that gets painted of us post-breakup is the disheveled mess, up to our eyeballs in gross used tissues, cry-screaming, and a full-on pity party. Its super attractive. And a lot of times, not too far off the plate. You can go around in circles all you want claiming it was for the best, it wouldn't work out anyways, or whatever reasoning you'd like to put into it, but breaking up still sucks, both for the dumper and the dumpee. (What a terrible choice of word for that expression.)

No matter whether you're a high school sophomore, a 20-something, or a 40-something, ending a relationship is never fun. So how do you break out of a break up?

1. You read this post. Even though you can't see me, I'm sitting here patting you on the back, handing you a tissue, and telling you it'll be okay.
2. And then I'm going to roll my eyes at you and tell you to MOVE ON! More than likely, you were correct when you said it wouldn't have worked anyway, or you could do better. You already knew it, its just much more obvious now.
3. Give yourself time to recover. You can talk about needing a rebound all you want, but more than likely you probably need to just sit this one out and concentrate on ditching the baggage first.
4. Although I never really recommend a full-on meltdown, don't overcompensate and prevent yourself from feeling anything. You're allowed to be upset. Your life is changing and sometimes its a little jarring.
5. Ditch the sad music/movies. Do you really think listening to Adele's "Someone Like You" on repeat is going to help? If anything, this will lead directly to the up to your eyes in gross used tissues. My choice: I listen to reggae music. Its calm and I have no clue what the heck they're saying most of the time.
6. Count on your friends. More than likely they'll be like me in Step 2, but they love you. They'll listen.
7. Everything happens for a reason. It really wasn't meant to be. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Pick your expression. Its still true.