The Facts and Fictions of Grad School

Mishaps has a bonus this week! A good friend of mine and avid reader of Mishaps emailed me this week that she'd written a guest post for the blog about something I can't give advice on. Thanks Sam! Welcome to the Mishaps family!

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

When Aimee started a blog about twenty-something-mishaps, I knew I needed to write a guest blog about the dreaded subject of “graduate school” (insert Star Wars’ death march here). Some of you may be in grad school, other’s considering it, and the rest of you shouting a resounding “hell no!” Either way, you’ve probably been told a bunch of lies about what grad school is really like – everything from “It’s just like going back to undergrad!” to “You’ll make more money if you get your master’s degree…”.

Let me sort out some of these Facts and Fictions for you.

• Twenty-something purgatory: Fiction. One of the biggest misconceptions about grad school is that you’ll  be partying it up undergrad-style with just a few extra tests/papers. Anyone who claims this probably photoshopped their master’s degree.  Remember when you got to go to happy hour? On weekend vacations? To eat at Whataburger? I don’t – because I’m too poor and too busy. But hey, at least when I’m $50,000 in debt, sobbing on top of my thesis and praying for a salary that will support more than a ramen noodle diet, I can still claim I’m smarter than you. (Replace thesis for bar exam or fancy-business-test… I’d include med school in here, but I don’t have enough adjectives to describe that sadness.) Grad school is a full-time job without a salary.

• Student ≠ Adult: Fiction. Throw away the following items: Nike shorts/athletic shorts (unless you plan to work out in them), over sized t-shirts (especially of the fraternity/sorority variety), UGG boots (unless used for their intended purpose), and all teenage angst accessories (feathers in the hair, unnatural highlights, nose rings). If any of these items make an appearance on your body, you will blend in as one of the thousands of undergrads on campus. There’s nothing more traumatizing than showing up on campus and having to explain to your colleagues/professors that you “really are 25 and will be a [insert profession here] someday.” Despite the raging youth hormones all over campus, you are an adult – you don’t have to commit to this idea 100%, but you at least have to play the part.

• You aren’t a student, you are a colleague: FACT! Okay, this part is awesome-ish. After four years of being at the bottom of the job market food chain and not being taken seriously as an undergrad, people respect you! For real – you go from being janitor Matt Damon, to super-genius “Robin Williams mentors me” Matt Damon. You are not a student, but a colleague. People expect you to know your stuff – you’re the expert now.

• Relationships won't be affected: Fiction. Friends, lovers… Relationships, ugh. As if this one isn’t already a pain when you aren’t in grad school. Something I wish someone would have told me? Maintaining relationships in grad school is hard - you have new time constraints that will dominate your life. Grad school is a vicious relationship serial killer. Expect to be challenged, go through hardships (lots of them), and question the legitimacy of your relationships.  Get ready to embrace 15 minute phone conversations for “study breaks”  and a weird schedule that will only promote contact with your unemployed friends (class three days a week, occasionally working at night, sometimes weekends, yadda yadda). The great thing? You are pretty quick to bond with people in grad school… After all, nobody else has any idea what you’re going through, no matter hard you try to describe it.

• The economy still sucks: Fact. I remember graduating from undergrad, scrambling for a job, and somehow ending up teaching kids in the ghetto how to read. I was one of the few that had a job right off the bat – some of my friends went to grad school/law school right away or had the unfortunate pleasure of waiting tables until a “real job” called them up to the big-boy leagues. When it came to grad school, my thought was simple: More school means getting a job where I won’t imagine my epic, soap opera-style resignation every day. So, I show up on my first day of grad school and what do I discover? Everyone is freaking out about finding a job. Take the advice given to me on day one: “Be prepared to hear the words under-qualified, over-qualified, and we’re currently not hiring.” I’m not saying getting your advanced degree won’t help you – I’m just saying that it isn’t a cure-all for unemployment and probably won’t result in a super-epic salary raise… At least not one that won’t be completely dedicated to your student loans.

What kind of person would I be if I didn’t end on a positive note? At the end of the day, take my advice:

1. Do what you love, love what you do.
2. You probably won’t be a millionaire or get the dream job when you graduate… You’ll have loans and you’ll still have to do grunt work to earn your keep.
3. Four Words: "Just call me Master."
4. Keep a stash of diet coke/red bull/coffee available. Do not add alcohol. If you can find a way to get your caffeine intravenously, more power to you.
5. Experiment with different types of meat in your ramen noodles. It stops things from getting monotonous and makes you feel less poor.
6. Don't let your interests (music/working out/writing) slip away. Grad school has the power to take over your identity if you let it - stay true to yourself, because in two years you'll be free.
7. It’s entirely possible that if you pick the right program, you’ll be one of those people who actually WANTS to go to work every day. It may not happen right away, but it’s a good start.