How To: Adopt a Moose

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an expert on any topic I choose to write about from here on out, but maybe the things that I've gone through or are going through currently relate to you and can help you in some way. At the very least, you can laugh at/with me, remembering that one time that maybe you too felt like a complete moron, as I go through the many Mishaps of an Almost Adult.

After asking several people's opinion on what this week's topic should be and hearing several of the same answer, I've agreed to write about one of the bravest, dumbest and best ideas I've had in my Almost Adult life: getting a puppy. For any of you that have met my favorite ball of fur and haven't yet heard this story, well, you're in for a treat. Its one of my favorites to tell.

Shortly after graduation, I was working at the photography studio and doing the odd side job to make ends sort-of meet and found myself working from home relatively often. Spending hours alone in my apartment had me thinking maybe it was time for a co-star in the Life of Aimee. Seeing as how dating wasn't going so splendidly (maybe that'll be next week's article), i decided maybe I was better off depending on something rather than someone. Some days I still wish I'd just stuck with Charlie the Beta Fish, although he didn't have much personality. He was more the strong-silent type, never had much of an opinion on anything. He also didn't poop on my floor.

I began researching different types of dogs looking for a medium-sized dog that would be fun to play with, take on walks, was relatively low maintenance and cuteness was a plus. Since my relationship was in full swing with Completely Broke, I also knew I couldn't afford to buy a dog from a breeder. I found out about Pet Finder and started searching local shelters instead. (Theres a link on the left side under Lifesavers for Almost Adults - although search with caution. Cuteness overload tends to have side effects that include adoption of furballs.)

This would be the time to tell you that I had zero knowledge about owning a dog. My mom is terrified of dogs and until about the age of 16, I thought I was too; turns out, they're not that scary. I figured that if i just picked out a bed, a little crate, some cute food bowls a few toys and the cutest puppy within a 10 mile radius, I'd be good to go with a little stinker. How hard could it be?

After looking through tons of puppies on Pet Finder appropriately "aww"ing at all of their cute little pictures, I found a litter of five puppies that were Australian Shepherd/Black Lab mixes. How perfect! The mom was 45lbs and the pups were all expected to be 40-50lbs as well. Just what I was looking for.

I made the drive down to the shelter to see these puppies the next weekend. When I walked in the door, all five puppies were waiting for me in the lobby. Immediately after sitting down, I was bombarded with black fluff balls. I had one puppy jumping on my legs, one trying to steal my flip-flop off my foot, one trying to climb in my lap, and one barking at me to pay attention to her. Quickly I decided the one trying to climb into my lap was the cutest of these four, mainly due to my annoyance at the other three. We were going to live a happy life together, me and Puppy Three, and the other three could go back for some other loving family to choose. Hold it. Three? Weren't there five puppies, not four? Where was this alleged fifth puppy?

I looked up and in the corner was the fattest puppy I have ever seen. Surely this Chunkmeister wasn't from the same litter as these cute little ones? He looked twice the size of Puppy Three. One of the volunteers introduced me to Matt (worst dog name ever.. I'm referring to him as Chunk from here on out instead) and told me he was the fifth puppy and a little shy.

The minute I sat down on the floor, the ground shook as his little fat self was propelled across the tile by his too-large paws. Chunk skidded to a not-quite halt in front of me and collided into my lap. I stared at him wide-eyed, looked at the volunteer and said, "I can't adopt a moose today."

  

 Just kidding, apparently. I dare you to say no to that face. The papers were signed, Chunk was coming home with me. I was now the owner of a Black Lab/Australian Shepherd/Clydesdale mix. Chunk had his name changed to Brodie (mainly due to his surfer-like personality and the fact that then an obvious choice for a nickname would be Bro) and within four months had blown through that estimated weight, having gained 20lbs in 10 weeks .He turned my apartment and my life upside down, but I adjusted to life with a mini-horse quickly. Looking back, I probably wasn't ready for a dog, but he's been an excellent companion for me and a good lesson in being responsible.  

Things I should have thought about before getting a dog:

1. Test drive an animal, whether it be bird, cat, fish, dog, etc. from a friend for a weekend before you decide if this is something you really want to do. Its hard to get rid of an animal once you've got it.
2. They're expsensive. They require shots and doctor's appointments just like people. And their food isn't cheap either. The bigger the dog, the bigger the bill. Having a dog that requires a lot of grooming is expensive as well.
3. More than anything, puppies require time. Training a new puppy is a learning lesson for both the owner and the pup. The keys are patience and cookies. Lots of cookies.
4. Look through shelter websites or breed specific rescues before you shell out big bucks to a breeder. Often times mutts are healthier than pure-breds.
5. Invest in a carpet cleaner. Its unavoidable.
6. No matter how big or small your dog might be, look into obedience classes. Its worth the money and will teach you how to train your dog. Brodie only ever went to Kindergarten starting when he was 3 months old and training him with anything since then has been a snap using the same methods they do. Nothing is more annoying than a dog that just refuses to listen.
7. Take lots of pictures when you finally bring one home. Not only do they grow faster than you can imagine, but its best to have a cute picture to look back at while you're picking up stuffing from the 12th ripped bed you've bought for the little piece of crap. Don't you just love them?

**Make sure to vote for what next week's topic should be in the Poll Box at the top left of the page! See you next Wednesday!**