How To: Spahh

I was pleasantly surprised at work last week to find out that I'm getting a bonus on this coming paycheck! My first thought was "I'm SO going to pay off my credit card!" My second thought was "And get a pedicure!" My third thought was "Wow, my life is lame." Clearly, my priorities are in line. 

Getting regular manicures/pedicures is something that's had to been put on hold in my life as I've been working on my house and living on a tighter budget. This is extremely sad. I am a big fan of being pampered.

Despite the fact that I'm trying to not get regular spa treatments, I also refuse to walk around with naked finger/toe nails. Not gonna happen. This is where this week's blogs come in handy. I've done research for you on how to pamper yourself at home for a fraction of the cost you'd spend at a spa/salon! YAY ME! You're welcome. 

1. Who doesn't love having their hair blown out perfectly straight and silky smooth? I sure do. I, however, can't afford to just go to the salon and have my hair done every weekend. If you've ever seen me get ready to go out, you've probably commented on the ridiculous size of the round brush I use. Yep, all the way on the right.. I'm always surprised by the number of girls who've told me that they don't have the slightest idea how/when to use a round brush. Mastering the use of one is essential to the at-home blowout. Check out this page for tips on how to use a round brush and what to do first.
2. If you're anything like me, you're constantly trying to grow your hair out from the last time you thought you wanted short hair. Since my hair is extremely fine and prone to breakage, I've become a big fan of hair masks/conditioning treatments. Never tried it? Prepare yourself for silky smooth, stronger hair with less split ends. It's AWESOME. The ingredients for at-home hair masks creep me out sometimes (full-fat mayo is one of the most recommended ingredients!) but they really do work. Check out this page for a few different types of masks to figure out which one would be best for your needs.
3. Not much is worse than waking up with super puffy eyes. One of the best things you can do to de-puff your eyes is soak a wash cloth in cool chamomile tea. The chamomile acts as an anti-inflammatory and will help the puffiness go away.
4. You know what is worse than puffy eyes? A big ol' zit right in the middle of your face. No fear! Get rid of zits with ASPIRIN. I'm not joking - same idea as the chamomile tea. Aspirin works as an anti-inflammatory to get rid of the redness associated with stupid acne. Here's how to do it.
5. You don't have to fork out the money on waxing to avoid those horrible razor burn bumps on your bikini line and under arms. Use Veet instead! They offer different types of hair removal creams including ones for sensitive skin. MAKE SURE YOU READ THE DIRECTIONS so you don't end up burning yourself and looking even dumber than if you had razor burn. 
6. Seeing as how much I love sandals, or preferably no shoes, my heels are constantly rough. Its gross. I love getting pedicures and feeling them so soft and smooth again, but as part of my new budget, I can't go very often. So how do you get silky spa-quality feet at home? Easy. Head out to Target and buy one of these things (the cheese grater looking tool) as well as a pumice rock. Pull the plug in your shower (as if you were going to take a bath) before you shower to let your feet soak in a few inches of water the entire time you're cleaning off. When you're done with your shower, turn it off and pop a squat on the side of the tub. Lather up your feet and scrub away, first with the cheese grater, second with the pumice stone. When you get all of that dried skin off, hop out and dry your feet really well. Lather on some thick lotion/cream and put on socks to wear for the next half hour to lock in the moisture. You'll have soft feet in no time.
7. Never nick your not-quite-dry nails again. After finishing painting your nails at home, let them air dry for about 2 minutes. Next, dunk your nails in ice cold water for 3 minutes. The ice water hardens the nail polish and locks it in place. No more smudging!

Here are some more at-home spa treatment ideas too in case I haven't listed something you had in mind.  I'm off to spahh myself until that bonus check comes through. 

How To: Clothes the Chapter on Bad Wardrobes

I'M BACK! Sorry for the delay. I have had a wee bit of a rough week. But better late than never, right? I am slightly guilt-ridden about my post this week because of how unbelievably awesome Chris keeps proving himself to be. To say I was under the weather this week would be an understatement and my dear boyfriend bent over backwards to make sure I was okay, even when I was puking and whiney. I was pretty positive that was when only your mom still loves you, but alas, Chris prevailed. Thank you so very much for that. You're the best!

You know what he's not the best at? Dressing himself. Holy moly. If you ladies have ever met your boyfriend somewhere only to find them wearing something completely atrocious you're wondering how they ever even thought they looked okay, go ahead and click JOIN THIS SITE. Yep. Its happened to us all.

This is a serious dilemma, ladies. There's no nice way to be like "Honey, I love you, but you dress like crap." Like almost every guy I've ever met, he's not so keen on shopping. If it can't be accomplished in less than 10 minutes, the look of pure misery slowly creeps onto that cute face of his and he suddenly turns into Oscar the Grouch.

I'm also not willing to spend money on new clothes for him that I'm not entirely positive that he'll actually wear. So I needed to figure out a way to rope him into deciding for himself that it was time for new clothes. This was one of the trickiest things I've ever had to figure out - I'm not usually one for conniving behavior, but it was time to figure out a plan.

Let me frame the situation for you. Chris is a victim of baggy clothes. First off, boys, baggy clothes do nothing for you. You know when you see girls that wear clothes that are too tight and you're like "WHOA, not good", baggy clothes have the same effect for you. You look like you either just lost a ton of weight and refused to buy new clothes or have been single for entirely too long. Now, by no means turn this advice into wearing t-shirts so tight that your "muscles" look bigger. Nope. Uh-uh. Don't do it.

I knew from the beginning that helping Chris's wardrobe was going to be a multi-step process. A complete overhaul is enough to stress anyone out, so how to do this as gently as possible? An opportune moment arose a few weeks ago when Chris forgot to grab a belt to wear with his shorts. (First off, if you HAVE to wear a belt, your clothes are probably too big.) This was my moment. It was time to seize the opportunity. As the day went on, Chris became more disgruntled with his shorts repeatedly falling down and having to hike them back up. I finally asked him if maybe he needed to get some new shorts that fit a little better? The seed had been planted.

The next day, Chris showed up at my house ready for a 10-minute-or-less trip to the nearby outlet mall to buy some new shorts. We left J Crew with THREE pairs of new shorts (all exactly the same but in different colors - this meant he only had to try on one), and on the way out, I was so excited, I took a picture of the back of Chris with his stupid baggy shorts. I quickly showed him how they were entirely too long and how dumb they looked from behind. What do you know?! I haven't seen those awful shorts again. 

In the car on the way home, I jokingly said, "YAY! You'll look so much better! Now we need to just work on your shoes next." He immediately looked down at his shoes, and didn't say much else. 

Two weeks later, I received a text message that made me nearly jump for joy. "Okay, lets find me some new shoes this weekend." I nearly fell out of my chair I was so excited. I automatically assumed that his old, worn-out tennis shoes had, in fact, fallen apart prompting this text message. Turns out, after just my little comment about shoes being next was enough for him to notice his shoes for the first time in probably 10 years (when he more than likely bought them). 

That Sunday, we made a trip to the nearest DSW and picked out some new shoes for him. As we were checking out, I grabbed two sets of new socks for him and told him he needed those too. He laughed, and as he was checking out, the girl looked at him with an adoring look on her face and goes, "I am so proud of you for buying new socks, too. No point ruining new shoes with the wrong sock choice." Chris blamed it on me, and the girl looked back at him and goes "You know what that makes her, right? A keeper. And she's cute too, don't mess this up." I just stood there with a smug look on my face and walked out to the car.

As we got in the car, I looked at Chris and said, "Well, are you going to put them on or what?! I'm so excited to see them on!" He started to put them on with his old socks and I just stared at him until he switched to his new socks, too. I then repeatedly complimented him on his new shoes and how awesome they looked, and said "Now we just need to get you some new t-shirts!"

The funniest part about this whole process to me has been the feedback I've gotten from girl friends of mine and even my sister-in-law. So many people have been like "Okay, HOW did you get him to get new stuff?!" Everyone seems to laugh hysterically at the fact that I did, indeed, take a picture of Chris from behind to show him how unbelievably ridiculous his shorts were. So how do you go about suggesting that your significant other work on their wardrobe?

1. Take it one step at a time. Especially for boys, pick one area to target. They're more likely to go along with it if they're only shopping for one thing at a time.
2. Nagging will get you nowhere. Find a way to plant the seed and then DROP IT. (ex: Chris's  no-belt dilemma).
3. After you've convinced them to change whatever it is thats awful, let them pick their own alternative. You are there to guide them - but it has to be their decision as to what they end up with. So suggest the correct colors/styles, but leave it up to them.
4. Implement rules once new items have been purchased. Chris's old shoes are to be Yard Work Only shoes. They're in my garage, because I'm the one with the yard.
5. Don't try to force anyone out of their comfort zone. No matter what you tell me, I'm never going to wear skin tight skimpy clothes, so I can't expect my other half to show up in seersucker and a bow tie. It won't happen. Thats not Chris, and I'm good with that. 
6. Guys are all about comfort. If they even THINK something might be uncomfortable, they're more than likely going to act like a 4-year-old and not even attempt to try it. Find an alternative that completely proves them wrong and work that angle instead. (Ex. boys who wear "shower shoes" instead of proper sandals like Rainbows.)
7. Compliment them like crazy when they do follow the "rules" - positive reinforcement will go a long way. 

To all of the dudes out there, we're just trying to help you. Don't you love having a hot girlfriend? We love having hot boyfriends, so bare with us. This is one area where you should be glad we know more than you. 

Look at how proud of his new shoes he was.
One small step for Chris, one giant leap for his wardrobe.

Chris - I love the crap out of you, holey t-shirts and all. Don't worry - we'll fix that next.

How To: Be Popular

First off, WHOA. Mishaps didn't just break 10,000 this week, it saw its bet and raised it another 250. I am in total and utter shock how many of you check back each week to read what I have to say. I'm not sure what my expectations were coming into writing this blog less than a year ago, but I don't think I ever expected this. As long as you keep reading, I'll gladly keep writing. So pass the word on - send it to your friends, repost it on your Facebook walls. Pin it on pinterest. JOIN THIS SITE! Keep doing what you're doing because SOMETHING seems to be working and I'm ecstatic. 

Unfortunately this week I haven't had much time to brainstorm some insightful advice to give everyone, seeing as I have been promoted at work and am now training the new girl who is the new me! As part of my big move to a new cube with a window, I am now sitting next to one of my friends and loyal Mishaps followers at work, who has inspired me to write this post.

I firmly believe that the usage of "lol" has gotten out of control. As someone who takes laughing matters very seriously, I would really prefer if use this acronym sparingly and only when directly appropriate. Stop crying wolf, you aren't really laughing.

I know you're guilty. You've all used lol when you aren't, in fact, laughing out loud. So what do you do when you're not really laughing out loud? Or you would laugh if it wasn't extremely inappropriate at the exact moment? Or it was only kind of funny but not funny enough to really laugh out loud? Or to emphasize when you really are laughing out loud but overuse lol so much that no one really believes that you are in fact laughing out loud?

Do what I do. Make up ridiculously long acronyms to portray whats really happening.

1. IWLOLBTWBI* = I Would Laugh Out Loud But That Would Be Inappropriate
2. IWLBIWRTFFMTLOL* = I Would Laugh But It Wasn't Really That Funny For Me To Laugh Out Loud
3. IMSTLOL = I'm More Smiling Than Laughing Out Loud
4. IWPLOLBIKYYAMBIDRLOL = I Would Put Laugh Out Loud But I Know You'll Yell At Me Because I Didn't Really Laugh Out Loud
5. WTLOLBIAM* = Want To Laugh Out Loud But In A Meeting
6. JSSICLOL* = Just Smiled Since I Can't Laugh Out Loud
7. FRIALOL* =  For Real I Am Laughing Out Loud

The use of any of these acronyms is a guaranteed way to make sure that you get a OINLOLSHIC in response. Okay I'm Now Laughing Out Loud So Hard I'm Crying. 

*These acronyms are actually used in my every day conversation. So much so that now my phone autocorrects to them. I count that as a win.


 Real text conversations between myself (in the white) and my coworker (blue):

How To: Get Through a Monday-Thursday

I LOVE Independence Day; it was a huge deal in my family growing up. Eric and I were in a parade in my grandparents neighborhood every year and we looked forward to decorating our bikes with crepe paper, ribbons and flags all year. We'd wear an obnoxious amount of red, white, and blue and listened to a guy dressed as Abraham Lincoln on the front steps of a penny candy store. It's one of my favorite holidays. Look at how excited I was. And my mom's triangle 'do. I am really thinking that this style should come back... No? I guess not.

You know what's not my favorite? Coming back to work after a day off right smack in the middle of the week. In an effort to make myself and some co-workers and friends laugh our way through this awkward Monday-Thursday, I made up a new list of moods, originally stemmed from creating a combo-shot of how I feel today. Then the idea kind of took off and we all started laughing. Here's what I've come up with:

• Hungry + Angry = Hangry
• "I know we haven't eaten yet, but there's no need to be so hangry."
• Sleepy + Grumpy = Slumpy
• "Its two hours past when she normally goes to sleep; I apologize for her slumpiness."
• Hot + Moody = Hoody
• "It's 102 outside. Don't touch me. I'm super hoody."
• Sick + Needy = Sneedy
• "Mom? Can you come over? I think i'm getting sneedy."
• Bored + Lazy = Blazy
• "My work ethic is zero today; i'm being super blazy."
• Sad + Mopey = Sopey
• "Don't be such a downer, i'm tired of your sopey attitude."
• Stressed + Psycho = Strycho
• "You probably want to steer clear of her today: she's acting a little strycho."

May I introduce you to Hangry, Slumpy, Hoody, Sneedy, Blazy, Sopey and Strycho; the newest, grouchiest bunch of Seven Dwarves. 

Its time to go back to my slumpy mood. Although thats slightly more difficult with the amount that I just made myself laugh.